01/10/2024 - To know peace is to allow war.

Hello readers,

I wish I could start this blog on a pleasant and joyful note but today I don't feel like pretending. I woke up at 5am, and overthought my existence. Then proceeded to cry at lunch and felt quite miserable. Wondering why I didn't have everything I desired yet. Which includes ; the love of my life,  a cat, a few millions in my bank account, two or three properties around the world, a RS3, my Pinterest wardrobe, bigger boobs, an inspiring job, and the full plan of my future.

Detachment is a pain in the ass. Period. Because, in one aspect, this whole year, lead me to realize that it is the concept hiding behind freedom. But fuck, how hard does it have to be to learn how to loose control, surrender and trust? And I'm not talking about the whoo-whoo spiritual self-help book template. I'm talking about reminding myself to let go of my expectations at all times, to not exerce any control on what's next, to see failure as redirections, to trust in something that cannot be perceived through the senses - is hard to explain and impossible to grasp. The Unknown.

And the frustration is palpable. I love to have it my way, to control and get what I desire. I've been building tools throughout the years to make it easier for myself. My appearance, my communication skills, my adaptability, my beliefs. But still, it seems I have yet to be offered on a platter all my wishes and dreams. And WHY?! I am fully aware that I sound like a capricious child (or an entitled bitch). But it is exactly what the emotion trying to make its way out of myself, sounds like. It doesn't mean that it is my whole truth, more so a facet that apparently wants to be expressed.

Because now that I lived this day, talked it out with my friend, wrote a letter and burned it, felt the weight of it on my chest and in my belly, considered flipping my life upside down and decided to just sit and write it out. I feel better hehe. And now I can remember all the things that I indeed, have already. The things I'm more than grateful and makes me richer than any possessions. My body is healthy, my mind is powerful, my heart is open. I'm surrounded by inspiring people that became my friends and some that I even got from birth. I live in a town I adore in Switzerland, and this single information talks for itself. Everyday I choose what I desire to wear according to my mood. And the person I love the most is myself, what a privilege to be able to state this.

So maybe the key to know peace is to allow war. A day of tumultuous chaos is worth a week of gentle flow. Now, I'm gonna go to the gym, ground myself back in the body, feel strong and beautiful. Maybe take some time to admire the mirror and remember that I got this. I choose the life I want to live by aligning my thoughts with my intentions. And to be clear headed is to let the mess out, without control on the way it wants to be expressed. Wishing you a great 1st October and a nice evening.

With love, Loune.