09/10/2024 - A dream of him.

Hello readers,

I feel almost hangover after a single beer yesterday night. Crazy how the body adapts quickly to a new lifestyle. And by not drinking on an almost daily basis, I realize how it actually impacts me. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop it, I like drinking and partying, but I also enjoy this period of time where I don't. Contrasts man, no extremes, just cycles of life.

I woke up this morning from a dream that I can still recall. We were three of us; me, a guy I had feeling for and one of his friend (don't know which one, he didn't have a face). We were having a chill conversation around a bonfire and I remember them asking me questions. One of the question being "why did I used to love him"? I simply replied that he was worth being loved. They both looked at each other and were ecstatic, as if I said something crazy. As if I needed a bigger, better reason.

Arrgggh, it makes me feel so uncomfortable talking about this. I want to say it but not completely, because what if... Too many things. But I also know I would be talking about it in my journal this morning. So let's go for it! Crazy how this project highlights exactly the parts of myself I have a hard time being transparent and vulnerable about. I love it in this sense.

So... At first I saw myself wanting to linger in the dream a bit more. It just felt good and I wanted more. More openness I guess. But then my mind turned on, and my reason with it too. I got annoyed at myself for dreaming of him. Wondering why again? And finally, I dropped it and moved on by getting ready for my day. And that's the first thing I thought of while starting to write, so I decide to go with it without judgment.

Carl Jung (what a legend) published a method for dream analysis that I studied, and put in practice. It's been a long time since I've done it though, but we'll try together. His analysis focuses on understanding dreams as messages from the unconscious. He believed dreams reveal hidden aspects of the self and help guide personal growth. Here are the different steps:

• Record the Dream: Write down the dream as soon as you wake up to capture details.

• Identify Key Symbols: Highlight significant images, characters, or themes in the dream.

• Explore Personal Associations: Reflect on what these symbols mean to you personally.

• Consider Archetypes: Identify any universal symbols or archetypes that may be present (e.g., the Hero, the Shadow).

• Reflect on Emotions: Analyze the feelings experienced during the dream and upon waking.

• Connect to Life Context: Relate the dream to your current life situations or challenges.

• Seek Integration: Consider how the insights gained can be integrated into your waking life for personal growth.

The dream: I explained the context of it earlier.

Key symbols: the bonfire, the ocean nearby, at night, this guy, his friend, openness of the conversation.

Personal Associations: I tend to describe each oh the symbols with three spontaneous words.

Bonfire : warm, cosy, adventure

Ocean : peaceful, scary, intense

Night : Intimate, secrets, freedom

The guy : Love, lost, lust

His friend : Judgment, insecurity, unsafe

Conversation : Honesty, liberation, relaxed

Archetypes: The moon card in Tarot.

Emotions; Mixed, at first pleasant during the dream, feeling light and free to be. Then, perplexed and heavier upon waking because it was just a dream.

Life context: I guess I am seeking a way to express honestly and safely my intimacy, the way I love, lust or get lost. In a cosy, warm and relaxed setting. But I'm scared of what can be revealed; my secrets and intensity. And to be judged by the projection of people's insecurities. Which is exactly what represents the Moon card in Tarot. Liberation through the expression of darkness.

Integration: In order to achieve what I consider peace and freedom, I must bring light onto what I consider dark, what I want to keep hidden, by sharing it. And I would say that it's pretty spot on with what I'm doing right now. Maybe I can allow myself to do so, because I'm just worth being loved for exactly everything that I am.

Voilà! Well, I feel naked right here, so time to escape this page and consider posting it for the next hours. But I loved doing it and even more the fact that if I didn't take the time to do so, it would have just been a dream of him.

With love, Loune.