09/10/2025 - This last stretch is part of the story too.

Today has been, by far, the hardest day so far. My period is literally teasing me at this point, my uterus feels like it’s taking all the space in my body, and my nervous system is fried. I only had 21 km to walk, but it felt like 30. Maybe because the end is now in sight, yet still far enough to test my patience. And honestly, I’ve reached my limit. The same damn day, again and again.

I thought the final stretch would feel lighter, easier, that I’d sail into it gracefully. But that’s not my experience. I’m cranky, exhausted (for a change), and simply over this whole thing. To make matters worse, since this morning, the trail has been swarming with new pilgrims who started in Sarria, the infamous 100 km mark where everyone begins to earn the Compostela certificate. The sheer number of people today was infuriating. Most of them weren’t even carrying their bags, sending them ahead to the next albergue.

I know I’m being silly. I shouldn’t judge them for wanting to experience the Camino in their own way. But that’s just where my mood is today, and I won’t hide it. Also, I’m starving. Like, monstrous-level hunger since yesterday. I’m currently waiting an hour for the only Italian restaurant in Portomarín to open, which feels like an eternity. So here I am, aggressively devouring the bowl of olives the waiter brought with my cerveza on the small plaza.

I know all this will be worth it when I finally arrive in Santiago. This last stretch is part of the story too. Four days left, nothing really. I understand that. But right now, I wish I could fast-forward time and skip to the end. Maybe that’s the problem, maybe I’ve stopped believing that something beautiful could still happen before I arrive. Am I sabotaging it by closing off, by being this cranky bitch? Probably. I’ve tried all day to shift my mood, to lift myself, but nothing worked. I’ll try again now, breathe deeply, change my perspective.

What am I grateful for? My body, first, it’s still holding up miraculously well, no real pain anywhere. My bed tonight isn’t a shaky one, which means I’ll sleep. The music on the terrace is soft, just enough to be pleasant. The air has turned cool, and I’m glad I brought my sweater.

I’ll make it to the end, and I’ll do it with grace. I don’t want to be trapped in the future, fixated on the finish line, because it steals the joy of now. And when I rob myself of joy, I turn into this mad woman who can’t find it anywhere. It’s a conscious, and frankly exhausting, act to shift my attitude, but it’s the only way I can enjoy reality again.

I couldn’t go deep today. My mind was racing and fighting itself just to keep going, while my body struggled to follow. A clear sign my period is near. Not that I’m always like this when it comes, it’s more that I’m walking against my natural rhythm right now. I should be resting, nurturing myself, pouring gentle love into my being. Instead, I have to keep going.

Isn’t that what women are forced to do constantly? Keep functioning, keep showing up, even when everything inside begs for stillness. I saw a video recently saying that if men had periods, they’d have built the entire working schedule around them, made every product free, and turned the lunar cycle into a sacred omen of male power.

Anyway. I know that in two days, I’ll be back to my sweet self. Calypso just called, we talked for twenty minutes, and it completely lifted me. I miss my loved ones so much. Seeing her face, hearing her laugh, it recharged my batteries instantly. Sometimes I forget how much I need that.

Now there are fifteen minutes left before the restaurant opens, and let me tell you, I’ll be the first at the door. Calypso said my face looks thinner, that I’ve lost a lot of weight. Maybe she’s right, maybe I don’t see it, or maybe the camera exaggerates it. I never really know what I look like anyway. But what I do know is that there’s a pizza waiting for me, and I’m going to demolish it. Hope you’re having a delicious dinner too. Bisousss.

With love, Loune.