10/10/2025 - Should I go sexy or scary this time?

I’m trying to gather the strength to come on the page again today, even though I’m almost shaky from how tired I am, tired of walking, tired of thinking, tired of pushing. I’m fed up with this whole experience again. But I won’t bore you with the exhaustion; you already know it well by now. The truth is, today’s walk was still better than yesterday’s. I managed to cheer myself up along the way, gathering the scraps of energy left to not let the bad mood take over again.

I’m almost there. Only two more days of walking before I’ll be standing at the doors of Santiago. It feels surreal. And yet, I know this exact moment, the one when the desire to abandon rises but I don’t give in, is what I came here for. Not once did I let the thought of quitting slip through my mind. Not even as a fantasy. And now I see it clearly: this was the lesson all along.

I’ve always hated endings. That lingering stretch before completion when everything feels suspended. I used to dissociate at that point, preferring beginnings, fresh, exciting, unspoiled. But I’m learning that perseverance, that quiet presence through the endgame, is where grit is built. It’s what separates those who botch from those who complete.

So I gather everything left within me and decide to stay present, all the way to the end. It’s wild how new sources of energy keep revealing themselves, or maybe I’m creating them by digging deep, discovering reserves I never needed to reach before. Again, I’m setting new milestones for my future self.

I left Portomarín this morning around 7am, got my coffee, and treated myself to what felt like a great Camino breakfast: toast with tomato, avocado, and a single scrambled egg. The bread was white and airy, the egg overcooked, but at this point, it felt perfect. Before heading out, I checked the map, 5h30 ahead, and promised myself not to look again until I absolutely couldn’t resist. What can I say? I do what I can to keep it playful, and you know challenges get me every time.

The landscapes were eerie this morning. The fog wrapped the forest in mystery, and for a while, it felt like walking through another world. The path was crowded again, but the initial shock had passed. I kept my mind focused yet wandering, thinking about Halloween, wondering what costume I’ll wear this year. Because one thing about me: I love a good costume party. Should I go sexy or scary this time? Then I remembered an idea I had a few years ago and got excited all over again.

By the time I finally allowed myself to check the map again, I had already walked two hours. I stopped at a terrace for a second coffee, basking in the sun for a few minutes before heading back out. I met an American guy I’ve crossed paths with a few times this month, and we talked about how we both feel approaching the end. Our mindsets couldn’t be more different, he’s already nostalgic, while I feel like I’ll need a few months before I miss any of this.

Then, as I was walking and whistling with my AirPods on, I noticed a guy sitting with a group of people. He was beautiful, long hair, a bandana, cool sunglasses, an angelic face with sharp features. Just my type. Our eyes met and didn’t break. I smiled and whispered “hey” as I passed by, still walking, heart skipping. I let myself fantasize for a moment. God, it felt good to be visually blessed for once, young, beautiful men are a rare sight on the Camino.

An hour later, I stopped for lunch, a goat cheese salad with walnut vinaigrette, and Emelie called. We talked for a long time about everything: her love life, university, how we’ve both been feeling. The same kind of comforting feeling I get from chatting with my little sister. I love Em so much.

As I was finishing my salad, he passed again, the guy, with a girl this time. Our eyes met once more. So when I saw him again thirty minutes later outside another restaurant, I didn’t hesitate. I walked up confidently and introduced myself. Turns out he was with a girl I’d already met, which made it easier to start chatting. He’s from Berlin, with big kissable lips and a sly little smirk. Shh, Louna. Be tempered. Be calm. Be graceful.

But let’s be honest, it’s hard to stay calm when there’s that instant, magnetic pull. It’s electric. I live for that feeling, when we both know it and don’t hide it. It’s one of my favorite sensations in the world, the thrill that makes me want to get wild. But I also know now that attraction alone doesn’t sustain me anymore. I crave connection. I crave depth. So instead of diving headfirst, I stayed chill, letting the excitement breathe without rushing it.

We talked for a bit before I kept walking, knowing I’d see him again, he’s arriving in Santiago the same day as me. Maybe we’ll get a chance to see if the spark means something. And if not, well, there will be others. Life goes on.

The rest of the way, I danced. I blasted 80s pop in my ears, sang out loud, swung my arms around, and passed people without a care in the world. Keeping myself entertained and joyful has become my secret to surviving the last kilometers. Maybe even something I'll carry with me after the Camino; the act of having fun as a priority over how it looks like from the outside.

Finally, I arrived. Liberation once again. I checked in, showered, organized my little space, and settled down. I worked on a few things for Robert’s trips, and now I’m here writing this, half-asleep. My period still hasn’t come, which is strange but probably just my lifestyle catching up with me. My thighs are warm, my lower back aches, my energy is drained. I don’t even know if I’ll go out for dinner tonight. I’m too tired. But I’m happy, as always, that I showed up here to write. And I'll see you tomorrow once more.

With love, Loune.