13/01/2025 - A shot of purity.

Hello readers,

The endings are always bittersweet. Bitter because I let go and shed layers, I reminisce on the great moments and what I'll no longer have access to. But sweet because I look back on the past and realize how much I'm grown, and that nothing is definitive. And not to sound repetitive, but moving out of Verbier is bringing so much insights at the minute, I need to share them.

It is like in a movie where the story only makes sense at the final moment, the missing key is found, and we can finally understand the whole plot. Well, I believe it's the same with life's cycles.

They fully make sense once we are on the verge of a new one. By moving here, I took a risk, I changed my approach to life because I no longer felt fulfilled by the way I was living. Traveling non-stop, mostly on my own, and maintaining what I considered a "pure" lifestyle.

And pure doesn't mean good, or right. But to put you in context, earlier in life, I hated loneliness, so I chased it until I learned to fully appreciate my own company. I once saw myself as an atheist with strong opinions on belief systems, so I set out to challenge my perspective by immersing myself in diverse tribes, religions, and spiritual communities. I indulged into escapism of all sorts, therefore I cut short alcohol, drugs, video games, and even went celibate for three years. And found immense joy, and self-discovery, in all of it.

Until I became overly comfortable in this new way of being. And decided it was time for a radical change once again. I just knew I wanted a change, without any other expectations. So when the opportunity presented itself, I moved here. I embraced stability, decided to become what I judged, and lived an "impure" lifestyle. I revisited old habits I had previously avoided, diving back into tendencies I had abandoned.

And you can think of it as a step back, but what a humbling experience to actually revisit a past way of being, with new eyes and a conscious mind. And to transform my views associated with it. To actually even enjoy it. Because what used to feel like a trap, I was now desiring to dive in with my own free-will. And rewrite the narrative.

As doechii said :

"I mean fuck, I like pills, I like drugs

I like gettin' money, I like strippers, I like to fuck

I like day-drinkin' and day parties and Hollywood

I like doin' Hollywood shit, snort it, probably would (yeah)

What can I say? The shit works, it feels good"

It's almost as if I completely accepted my humanity lol. I'll go back to being an ethereal being soon enough, through death. We all will. Whatever you believe in, death is undeniably a change of state. So, while I'm here, I should try it all out, and feel what gets me the most turned on by life, make me feel alive. And right now, getting a shot of purity sounds great.

A new cycle is about to start, and I assume this time it's gonna be less about radical change but radical acceptance. In whatever enters my life, whatever wants to come out of it. Riding a wave between structure, and chaos. Between restriction and indulgence. Between purity and impurity. In order to find my own equilibrium, gravity 0 point. Doesn't mean it's yours. If Astrology taught me one thing, is that we all have a different and unique map, and it's each our duty to learn how to navigate it.

With love, Loune.