13/07/2025 - The way I approach touch and pleasure.

Hello readers,

I haven’t written in here for quite some time. I’ve been focusing on my book, which is finally starting to take real form, 230 pages so far. I plan to finish it by February 17th, 2026. It’s a diary-style novel inspired by the creation of this blog, where I push myself into radical honesty. In other words: whenever I feel discomfort about sharing something, I lean into it. Feelings, judgments, sexuality, everything that is supposed to stay private, I choose to reveal. Maybe I’m just using public exposure as a pathway to acceptance.

And for this return article, let’s celebrate by diving straight into the juicy subjects. I’ve been traveling solo through Andalusia for the past two weeks, a reconnection with my Spanish roots. My mother was the child of immigrants who fled during the Civil War. She was raised in France, and although I wasn’t immersed in Spanish culture growing up, I’ve always sensed it in my temperament. The fire. The stubborn tenderness. That’s why I came here. I’m now in Granada, the city where my grandmother was born.

This trip has been full of highs and lows. From staying alone in a small cottage in the hills, to kite surfing in Tarifa, wandering the streets of Vejer de la Frontera, visiting in El Palmar, watching Flamenco in Seville, and now, sitting in the heart of Granada. But as always, the journey is as much internal as it is external.

Spain unexpectedly reawakened my relationship to femininity. The moment I landed, I felt an urge to get closer to my body, to feel it, listen to it, touch it, and let it express. I remember searching for information about vaginal orgasm and finding a podcast called Orgasmic Enlightenment by Kim Anami. I listened to it in the car on my way to the secluded cottage I’d rented, in the middle of nowhere.

I spent those two days under the sun, cooking fresh food and working on my laptop, completely naked. Not for anyone else. Just for me. I felt the need to be so intimately comfortable in my skin that there was no separation between body and mind. That experience lingered with me throughout the trip, transforming the way I approach touch and pleasure. I’m beginning to realize how numb I’ve been to my own skin.

It also made me revisit a long-held belief: that the closer I get to myself, the more distance I put between me and others. And it’s true, I’ve learned to love my own company to the point where I sometimes feel like a wild animal who resists blending in. I’ve often felt the need to tone myself down to be more relatable in order to endure company. But during this trip, I showed up fully as myself from the very beginning. And while it led to fewer encounters, they were deeper.

I met Josie and Andrea in Tarifa. Both became key figures in this journey. Strangely, they were both born on November 13th, two little Scorpios. I met them separately: Josie at the hostel, Andrea on Bumble. Josie had recently completed the Camino de Santiago. She was vibrant and real, and our connection felt instant. She understood me because she had walked her own unique path too.

Andrea was different. We exchanged messages for a few days before meeting. From the start, the connection was electric. We opened up quickly, shared stories, and undressed ourselves emotionally, then physically. What we shared was tender and intimate. I felt seen, admired, loved. And I’m choosing to leave it at that. There was emotional unclarity between us, which was painful, but perhaps it was also a gift; an easier way to let go. Because mademoiselle has a tendency to get attached to the potential of a connection.

What I take from these encounters is this: I spent most of my time alone over the past two weeks, but the moments I did connect were real and so worth it. The intimacy I’ve cultivated with myself allowed me to meet others with a depth and immediacy I hadn’t known before. And that’s beautiful.

In short, I don’t have to doubt whether I’m lovable as I become more and more myself, more unique, more honest. I’ll be loved by those who can meet me in that same intimacy with themselves. And that’s the kind of connection that nourishes me. It’s the kind I seek to attract.

With love, Loune.